Teacher & Student.

Teacher :- You StuPid! At Your Age
EinsTen RanKed First In Class,,,,
What About You ???

StuDenT :- Sir At Your Age HitLer
Commited SuiCide...!
What About You ??? :P

Wife & Husband.

* Wife Ask Husband *

Wife: Honey, if I die would you get married again?

Husband: No dear.

Wife: I’m sure you would.

Annoyed husband: Okay, I would.

Wife: Would you let her sleep in our bed?

Husband: Ya, I guess so.

Wife: Would you let her wear my clothes.

Husband: No, she is taller than you.

Teacher & Boy.

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to her.

Teacher:Pappu, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.

Pappu: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.

Funny Husband

Man1: I am going to be a father.
Man2: Your wife should be happy now I guess.
Man1: The problem is she doesnt know about it.

What a greate mistake.

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done,she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

Husband says : "Hi Darling, Your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you said Hello to them.." 

Channel name.

Johnny wasn't paying attention.
She asked him "Johnny, what are 2,4, 8 and 16?
Quick as a flash he replied " CBS,CNN, Movies and the Cartoon Network"

Teacher & Pappu.

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : “HIJKLMNO” !!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it’s H to O !

Son & Dad

Son : Dad , What do I give my girlfriend as a gift ?

Dad : How does she look ?

Son : She looks sweet,pretty,fun to be with and of course Lovely

Dad : Give her my number.

Beggar.

●► Beggar

Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday I gave him food today he gave me a book
"How to Cook" !!

The practical example

The practical example

Math Teacher : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

Student : I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter.

Simple jokes

A: Why are you late?
B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it.

Son & Dad

A Five year old boy was trying to write a letter

Dad: What are you writing my son ??

Son: Love letter to my girlfriend !!!

Dad: Do you know how to write ??

Son: No!!! So what...
She also doesn't know how to read

It's Love Dad you won't
Understand.... 

Teacher & student.

► This is not fair

Teacher asked to a student,”Rony if 2 & 2 makes four how is 4 & 4 ?”
Student replied, “This is not fair teacher, you always do the easy ones and leave the hard ones for me.”"

Dad & Son.

A Five year old boy was trying to write a letter

Dad: What are you writing my son ??

Son: Love letter to my girlfriend !!!

Dad: Do you know how to write ??

Son: No!!! So what...
She also doesn't know how to read

Santa & Banta

Santa: Yesterday the police arrested me for tampering with the ATM.

Banta: What did you do?

Santa: It asked me to enter the PIN and I inserted a safety pin.

Bloody English Language

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Does your dog bite?

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

Meaning of - WIFE.

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means "Without Information, Fighting Everytime!"
 
WIFE replied: No darling, it means "With Idiot For Ever!"

BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?

Student: BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher & Mohan

Teacher:Mohan,Assam is special for what product?

Mohan:I Dont know mam.

Teacher:Ok I'll give you a clue, from where do you get tea powder?

Mohan:From our neighbour's house!!!

Wish i was a Newspaper

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.

Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.

I m not felling well.

Wife: The doctor has come to see you.
Husband: Tell him that I am not feeling well and won't be able to see anyone.

Funny questin for u.

Question: What did the snake give to his wife?
Answer   : A goodnight hiss!

Dublicate hearing aid.

Man 1: After buying this new hearing aid, I am able to hear something two blocks away.
Man 2: Cool, how much did it cost?
Man 1: The time is three past ten.

oh no.

Daughter-
I am in luv vth neighbour, so I am running away vth him.

Dad-
Thanx dear, u hav saved money & tym.

Daugter-
Dad!
I am reading dis letter left by mom..

GF & BF

After an Emotional hug({})

Girl said to the boy:
If you hug me once more like that,
I will be Yours forever…:)

Boy: Thanks for the warning…

Santa and Julie

Santa went to Julie's home n knockd the door.

Julie:
kaun?

Santa:
main

Julie:
main kaun?

Santa:
Lo karlo baat.
Tu Julie aur kaun!

Hen buying 1 egg.

Ek murgi market gai aur boli:1 anda dena ..!
.
Dukandar:Tum ande ka kya karogi. . ?
.
Murgi: Mere murge ne kaha "Darling...
3 Rs ki chiz k liye,
Tum apna figure khrab mat karo...

Give 1 chance.

Phone Rings..

Tring.. Tring..

BOY : Hello Chintu
hai ?

GIRL : Nahi hai.

BOY : Mujhe Mauka do,

Ho Jayega.

Father and his young son

Father goes to a restaurant with his young son.
Gives the young boy three 5 rupee coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking.
The father, realizes the boy had swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on his back.

The boy coughs out 2 of the coins but is still choking. Father panics and shouts for help.

An attractive woman, in a business suit, sipping coffee nea

rby; casually gets up and unhurried goes to the boy.

She casually pulls down his pants; catches hold of his testicles and squeezes and then twists them; first gently then tighter and tighter!!!
Finally the boy, screaming in pain, coughs out the last coin, which the woman deftly catches.

The father starts thanking her, "That was fantastic!! I've never seen anyone do this. Are you a doctor?"

"NO", replies the woman casually, "I'm with ICICI bank loan recovery department!"=))

Husband and Wife in Court getting Divorce.

Scene: Husband and Wife in Court getting Divorce.

The Problem:Who should get Custody of the Child?

Wife jumped up and said:"Your Honour I brought d child into this world with Pain and Labour So it should be in My Custody."

The Judge turns 2 Husband & says "What do You have to say in your defence?"

The Husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.

"Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes Out, whose Pepsi is it? The Machine's or Mine?"

Yeh sunke...Wife replied: "Judge Sahab...Bartan Mera...Doodh bhi Mera...Aur Usme Dahi jamane ke liye 2 boond Daalne se Dahi bana To fir Wo dahi kiska.?
Mera ya 2 Boond daalne wale ka"

Husband replied : "Typewriter me kagaz Maine dala, keys daba-daba kar Mehnat Maine ki, fir Chithi kiski? Typewriter ki ya Meri?"

Frustrated Judge (Getting
mad): "Abey Saale Agar Tu Chithi Haath se hi likh leta To ye Noubat hi na Aati..!=))